Decisions.

I've hit that wall that I'm fucked wall.

I've known for a long time that I'm making this choice to live this life

and that it has its' instantaneous consequences lurking in the background. That one 5 minute interval that changes it all.

And so here I am in that time warp wondering if it's worth it to hold onto it all, or should I just give up?

There is no hidden second option this time, no crazy rescue plan.

It's either in or out.

I've been trying to live directly, with some sort of direct consequence... And thus far I have out run everything.

When I left you said, "the house has calmed down, the air is not crackling. The psychic energy has released." After a while I ran into you in a bar and you said, eyes down "They turned your room into a living room. They painted over everything."

Everyone talks to me like the places I've been are graveyards.

And I'm trying to learn how to be unobtrusive and am traveling by foot backwards in time, checking on the status of the bridges, to see which have fallen and which have burned. To see where it is possible to get from here to there.