sine qua non

i jumped aboard your deadlock gaze

and i pushed you with one finger,

to the ground.

i said all the things I've never said,

i said all the most important tiny things:

all the pieces that make up

everything I've ever felt.

it feels as though we have been sorting for decades and

the file folders sit finally,

labeled neatly on our laps

anticipating our next move.

I jumped aboard your deadlock gaze

and I'm digging in my heels this time,

not letting it get away

not letting it wander.

you said,

give me three days.

these lapses are unintentional and

I'm not holding anything against you

because we are both the person

the other will be forgiving forever

in a world full of unforgivables

full of forgettables.

Shark Tank.

he traced a heart with his finger on my chest 

and drew a line from the heart down my arm

like a target for your air pistol.

your indifference took aim and fired.

*

There are too many unanswered what-ifs

and raw nerves dangling for me to see you anymore.

I sit here wracked with anxiety and running out of oxygen

at the bottom of a shark tank filled with sharks we trained together.

*

The quiet swooshes of my heart and their tails in unison have become

a dull ache reminder of what could have been.