Thursday, March 20, 2008

The Performance (reprise)

giving up on love.
fuck love!
spending my emotions
like a credit card,
too quickly.
without thought.

when you go.

use math to paint the picture goodbye.
write a computer program to say I loved you
write over the old memories with random 0111001s
leave me with nothing.

There are things in my life that are secrets.

insistent drip

why don't you
why won't you just
why can't you just leave
why don't I get to
dictate my own terms
why don't I get to
hold on to the things I want
why do they always
just slip away.

I always make this mistake this
sober feeling things mistake this
horrible hari kari stupid mistake
this shut up and run.

"the answer to each moment must be yes"

I know I just addressed you in a letter, recently
but here I go again (self indulgent)
here I go with the i am not invisible
the insistent drip of
please stop forgetting me the
get out of my heart
or my big empty void thereof
but you just sit there

You just stay there, don't move
I'll leave.

Waiting Again

I am a stranger in a very familiar place right now and it grates on me.
I have lots of promises and nothing kept.
Slow pace no pace going nowhere.
Waiting again and to what end? What's the reward?
Tap tapping on old type writers with no ink.
Dried up tapes.
That's what this feels like, watching you.
blowing up now.
leaving the atmosphere.
dreams are made of this,
this ache searching
going nowhere.

from your lips

How messy we were
Stealing from someone else
Our secret language lurking
In liner notes.
Peeking through prom dresses.
Getting in with our passports.
Klonipin in back pockets.
Cocaine in purses.
Crushed into the corners.
Under our nails.
You were supposed to be my wife and
I was supposed to be your wife
And there could've been more
Games to play after that.
You were always so demanding
it was so unfair to me
How easily bored you can be.
But, these are our secrets.
I have written you a thousand poems
since you've been gone
And this is the first
I have left for you to find.
And we were just two girls leaning,
One foot up,
Against a brick wall
Smoking the same cigarette.