the pieces of her life fall around her
crushed cinder block pieces
just edges, no shapes.
she, always looking backwards, down and
away
notices not and uses these found treasures
to build her dreams
undermining with each new addition
the very foundation of her being.
Why didn't anyone tell her before?
she wonders aloud, tripping, always
on the dust and debris.
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2 comments:
A suggestion. Only a suggestion. Keep your poetry personal and use strength tenses ie:
Not "she does this or that", but instead, use "I am doing this or that".
Don't use past tenses. Use present tenses. They are stronger and present a more powerful piece. Oh, and present is stronger than future as well.
I'm killing you is better than I killed you and better than I will kill you because it allows the reader to be there.
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